Healing Grace....and the power of wonderful friends....

**6/11/10....I have to tell you, I had a beautiful long post....but I guess I have been away from blogging for so long that I thought I was moving a picture down and proceeded to erase the whole thing! My tears from writing it were dry...now I have fresh tears of frustration :) So I am redoing this shorter one...I hope you all understand and can forgive me...because time is something I don't have a lot of these days...Hoping that will change soon :) **6/16/10.... But call me crazy...but because I love y'all so much...I am willing to give this one more try... :)

Healing Grace....that is what all your thoughts, prayers and good wishes, phone calls, emails, visits have meant to me and our family.....That is what all of your wonderful prayers and thoughts have done for me personally.....they have been my families and my own Healing Grace..... how can we, ever thank you .

I thank you all from the depths of my heart and soul for not only your beautiful thoughts from my last post...but for the enormous amount of love, thoughts & prayers that so many of you have sent to us these last couple of weeks, through posting about it on your own blogs, emails, phone calls and posting on my FaceBook page, I can't begin to tell you how full our hearts are as a family with all the love support and strength that we have gotten from all of you...... As some of you know, the tragedy that struck our family on May 21, at 2 a.m. when our oldest daughter Ashley was in a horrific car accident caused by the stupidity of a drunk driver.... has at the moment turned our lives upside down..

The driver T-boned our daughters boyfriends car, thank God, he was ok, but our daughter is currently recovering at her grandmas house from a broken pelvis, it is broken in various places and there is no cast, no brace...nothing, she just has to lay, sit, rest and heal...Because if she is not careful she can make it worse and possibly need surgery....she is 19 years old, was supposed to start her first job that Thursday, had her college class finals that week and was to start her summer classes...needless to say....none of those things are done at the moment...Her hopes and plans are to become a pediatric nurse, so that she can help and be with bebes and children, to give them comfort and help them heal, these are her words....These plans are all on hold for now....as sad as this is....I don't mind....not one iota...Because after we saw the pictures of the car she was in, with the passenger side almost completely gone..we know how blessed we are that she is here to continue to love and cherish her and our lives with her....don't get me wrong, when this first happened and I saw my child looking so little, mangled, bruised, battered and broken, laying in her hospital bed...I felt such a tremendous amount of hate for that drunk driver that I actually got physically ill for a couple of days.....I lost 10 lbs in 4 days...I slept maybe 12 hours...I would smile while I was with her and panic each time she tried to move....but I didn't cry in front of her....no....there was enough time to cry when I was home alone....then I could fall apart....and I will tell you something....reading all your emails, comments and talking to so many of you on the phone...lifted my spirits like you wouldn't believe....

See.....the man that cause my daughters accident...well when it first happened, I wanted him, in pain, mangled...yes I will admit it as ugly as it is to say it, it is even worse to feel it, but I wanted him dead....then I thought about how we all felt seeing our lil Ashley in the hospital and seeing her in pain and then I started to think of how his family must be feeling, was he young, married, did he have kids.....all I knew was the fact that he was someone's child....and that his parents must be feeling such immense pain, heartbreak and anguish over their own child.....see, the officers that were investigating the accident.... came to see our daughter and told her, that the man that hit her would never be a problem again....see....turns out....after he almost killed our daughter and her boyfriend, he proceeded to flee the scene....only to lead police on a high speed chase that was televised on the news and as I would later find out, viewed by many that know us....but at that moment, no one knew our Ashley was involved....well he proceeded to lose control of his car and crashed it on the freeway...from what the officers said....he broke his neck and is paralyzed from the neck down.....Justice??? I don't know...I only know that I feel like it is such a stupid waste of life because had he just stayed....his own life would be so much different....I try to forgive and ask God to give me the strength to do so....but I won't lie...it is hard...hard because my daughter is recovering at her grandmas home.....not ours, we have a 2 story house...doesn't work well in the recovery of a broken pelvis....our lives are soo drastically altered at the moment that I hope and pray for things to return to normal soon...but honestly at the end of every day when I feel over whelmed and discombobulated ( love this word ;) I remind myself that Ashley is can move around, it is limited but she can move, in time she will walk with out her walker, her crutches will be her main mode of transportation and the wheelchair will sit in storage one day when it is no longer needed...but the most wonderful thing of all is the KNOWING that our child will one day again...walk on her own and God-willing will run on the beach again...like she so loves to do and embrace the ocean waves that give her so much joy and laughter....laughter that I so miss hearing from her lately....

So now that I have updated everyone...I truly hope that you understand that if I don't make it personally to each of your blogs or email to let you know how much your thoughts and prayers have meant to us...it is only because at this moment, time isn't on our side....but I am hoping that with school being out this week and only having to go between our "2 households" I will have a lil more time to start visiting everyone again and leaving my comments...cause....well.....I know how much my opinion matters **wink** But know that I have when I can visited many of you, I just didn't leave a comment...sometimes there is just no time and other times, I am just so drained emotionally that I can't put my words into sentences that make sense...I hope you all understand and I am also hoping with this post...that after this long self & life imposed hiatus...that I haven't been forgotten by our wonderful Blogland that we all love so much, because I promise....I haven't forgot you....I miss you all tons and tons :) Much love to you all my amores...and know that you all mean so much to me and my family and that your support and love has kept our hopes and hearts afloat!

Ashley w/her cousin Alan
Dawn, Lisa, Rebecca, June, Lovey, Fairmaiden, your calls, emails and support...kept my head above water and kept me from the dispair, depression and fear of not being able to rise up once again from my knees...I thank you from my heart....because you listened, you gave me strength and you will never know just how much I held on to you for fear of drowning in dispair when I felt so alone and lost....I don't know how I will ever thank you all...love, love love you! Those that I didn't personally thank on here...please know it wasn't from forgetfulness, but because I would have to do a whole other post and right now...I am just so emotionally drained after doin this long assed post :) Much, much love to you all!!

One more thing....Kate...I am thinking and praying for you and your mami amor...I send you huge healing besos & hugs!! Anne, I am so thankful that all our prayers for you have been answered...I have tried so many times to call you amor, please call me anytime, I want to hear your beautiful voice...I think it would make my heart smile :) Thinking of you...Love you both :)

Until next time my dear friends....my amores......

Letting Go...Finding old friends and being ok with life....

I have been gone for a few days and yet...as I look at my side bar and see all of your new updates...I feel as if I have missed soo much...but I am trying to come back...I truly am...Thank you everyone for your lovely comments and emails...they have meant the world to me.

On Sunday April 26th, I got a call from a dear friend, letting me know that one of our dearest friends... Joanne, had just passed...I don't do well with death, I never have, when loss hits me, it knocks me to my knees and knocks the wind out of my sails....when we lost my dad last year in March, I was so lucky that I had soo many of you wonderful ladies, that gave me such support both emotionally and mentally, I will forever be grateful for that...So this time, I felt I just needed a few days to wrap my mind around this new loss and the fact that I would never see or hear from my sweet friend again....I still haven't taken her off of my email contacts or my cell...they some how give me comfort when I see her name....I believe it or not still have my dads name & number on my cell, same with others I have loved and lost...this somehow comforts me...I guess letting go...is different for everyone, but I thank you all for understanding and your support when I have needed it...whether I knew I needed it or not...sometimes just listening....means the world...Thank you so much Dawn, Lisa and my amor Chris...My own mr wonderful...Love you guys :)

My Ita (grandma) used to say that when someone you loved passed...God always sent someone else to help fill that void, so that the hurt wouldn't be so heartbreaking...when we lost her, weeks later my beautiful niece Natalia was born, when we lost my dad, a few months later my baby grand nephew was born, he would have been my dads first great-grandchild.....When I found out about my dear friend Joanne, my heart was hurting and I could feel the saddness seeping in and I started to panic....I knew what that meant and I didn't want that old now familiar feeling of loss and saddness that can overtake my life to come back...not now...not so soon after just picking myself up from my dads loss, I was truly afraid of how long and how strong "This" would last this time...I prayed and I talked to my constant source of love and strength...my Ita for help and guidance, like I did when she was here and at my old age I would still sit on the floor with my head on her lap and tell her my problems and fears...she always listened with not only her mind but her heart...I believe in my heart...that even now in heaven, she still does this for me....I asked her to help me, so that this fall wouldn't be so long and hard because I was afraid of how my family would be affected....I told her to please help me because I was feeling so sad and my heart was feeling lonely...my friend Deb, talked me into joining Face Book which I swore I never would, this blog takes about all my computer knowledge that I have and that isn't much lol and I typed in a friends name that had meant soo much to me when I was a young girl in high school, I had tried through the years to find her, on Classmates.com, our high school Alumni website, you name it, I tried it...no one that I knew, knew what had happened to her and you know what?? I went on Face book typed in her name and Voila.....There she was! She looked just the same, still beautiful, like a little porcelain doll and still had that beautiful smile that said, I am your friend...here I am...we reconnected, have talked everyday since I found her on the phone and I can honestly tell you the first time after we talked on the phone, when I hung up I cried...because I had missed her so much through the years and when we talked....it was like it had been just days before the last time we talked....not over 20 years....Today she sent me a text to my phone and said...she had prayed and asked her mama who is now in heaven to please bring someone into her life, that loved her and would be her friend and truly care for her, then I sent her a message when I found her...my eyes started to water...because I had forgotten in my excitement in finding her...that just a few days before...I had asked the same thing from my Ita...

Sometimes....letting people in, even when you think you are just fine...makes all the difference in the world doesn't it...I used to say that I didn't want to let new people into my life because losing them was too painful and not worth it...My Ita said..."How sad you think...I think it is even sadder not letting people into your heart and sharing love with them, because think of all the wonderful times, laughter and memories you will have missed out on, if you don't let those people into your life and heart...isn't that worse....losing them and always wondering what could have been....maybe you could have made a difference in their life...don't be selfish....love people and let them love you"....Did I ever tell you at 93 my Ita was the wisest person I had the privilege to have loved :)

I thank you all for your patience, concern, and most of all for your beautiful friendships and I promise I will be back earlier tomorrow with a new post, some lovely giveaways and news to share..

And Ana....Welcome back into my life amor....you & your friendship were truly missed!

Until next time dear friends,

A lovely Giveaway and some good movies for a cold ugly day...

First....I want to thank every single one of you for your beautiful birthday wishes for my mama..It meant the world to us all! THANK YOU !!!! Her Birthday was spent rather quiet without my dad and...she had a molar pulled and was a little swollen and a tad uncomfortable...So we had her cake and ice cream the next day when she wasn't looking quite the chipmunk and could enjoy it :)

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Everyone... loves a giveaway...but a fun one to boot? If you haven't visited Kasey of Lola B's wonderful blog yet, your in for such a treat, her blog is full of beautiful pictures and she has such a fun, witty and insightful way of writing, she really grabs you from the get go! Kasey is giving away the lovely necklace below called Fly Me to Paris, among some other lovelies :) Good Luck Everyone......and....Your Welcome :)

To enter click HERE...
Giveaway ends.... 4/23 at Midnight

Now I was going to originally use this picture below of Jean-Pierre, whom they met while on her wonderful trip to Paris, but thought better of it in case the winner decided to sue me because he wasn't included in the Giveaway prize they received in the mail...hence...the above lovely picture instead :)

Ps..You really should read her Girls In Paris...Day One post Here and then Girls in Paris...Deux Here if only to see where Jean-Pierre (pictured below) comes into all this and laugh so hard ya might just have to run and tinkle from her oh so witty writing :) And enjoy all her beautiful pictures...

And...incase you notice me rather quiet on my visits this week...tis only because I am doing some family obligations and will be back to visiting as soon as I can...But while I am working, I will be watching this movie tonight "The Young Victoria" I hope it is good....

Update***I loved this movie, but was rather disappointed with the ending....I, like many had read about her throughout the years and I just felt like the movie ended at the best part...when their lives together were just beginning...but the costumes and actors were wonderful, the scenery, locations and sets (palaces) were amazingly beautiful...gotta love period pieces :) Will I watch it again....You betcha!

I watched "Everybody's Fine" earlier today....tried to watch it three times before while I cooked and or cleaned the kitchen and I knew it was good, but kept missing so much, so this morning while I worked I finally saw it...I think it is a WONDERFUL movie...Not a Christmas Holiday like I thought it was going to be, it made me think of how many times our lives echoed the movie...always telling our parents or loved ones what we think they want to know, you know...the happy stuff only....and how we sometimes are guilty of not listening and only hearing what we want to hear.....I think at one time or another we are all guilty of that :) I can't tell you how many times I went to my dad with my troubles because I didn't want to trouble mama, dad always listened and would say..."let's not bother your mother with this...it'll be fine".....and you know....it always was...but now he is gone...and it is time to tell mama everything...not only the good.....Funny....my girls think I don't know or notice....but you know what??? I see them doing the same with not only their dad...but my mama as well, they go to them and try to spare me what they think I don't want to hear....I guess this movie kind of opened my eyes to that...kind of ironic if you think about it....I thought De Niro was fabulous in it.... Anyways I really enjoyed it, if you get a chance to see it, let me know what you think :)

Well "Young Victoria" is waiting....

Until next time dear friends,

Happy Birthday, Mia Bella Mamma Maria.....

Tomorrow, April 16th.... is my beautiful mama's 64th Birthday!

I look at my mamas pictures....and I look at every nuance that is her....and I try to find me...my eyes, my lips, my nose, my chin, no, nope...I don't see it, I don't see me in her beauty...BUT.....ask anyone and they will tell you....I have her strength, her sense of humor and her wickedly strong ability to hold a grudge and never forget the things I want to remember...notice I say...the things I want to remember lol

If I could grant her, her biggest wish....I would in a heart beat...without her even asking....I see it in her eyes...I hear it in her voice....I feel it in her quiet laughter...I would give her....just a few more precious moments with her own beautiful mama...my beloved Ita and her beloved husband Sonny...But I know that they are all around us...we can feel them.....loving her now, as they did back when a simple touch could make a memory to last in our hearts forever.

But God has a way of lessening the pain along the way, so that small miracles like holding your first great~grand bebe, can make your heart beat strong once again with the hope of many more beautiful tomorrows....

Feliz Cumple Anos mama...le deseamos un ano lleno de amor, felicidad con familia y queridos amigos siempre con nosotros, haciendonos siempre sonreir ....

(I know I more than likely totally butchered that, how in the world do you add accent marks above the letters?? lol, but she knows, it is full of love from her girls, My sister Celeste & me, my amor Chris, all your grand bebes, and our entire family & friends that love and adore you ALWAYS! )

Happy Birthday Maria!!!!!

Thank you all for allowing me this special lil moment to honor my bella mama,

Until next time dear friends,