Monday, May 3, 2010

Letting Go...Finding old friends and being ok with life....

I have been gone for a few days and I look at my side bar and see all of your new updates...I feel as if I have missed soo much...but I am trying to come back...I truly am...Thank you everyone for your lovely comments and emails...they have meant the world to me.

On Sunday April 26th, I got a call from a dear friend, letting me know that one of our dearest friends... Joanne, had just passed...I don't do well with death, I never have, when loss hits me, it knocks me to my knees and knocks the wind out of my sails....when we lost my dad last year in March, I was so lucky that I had soo many of you wonderful ladies, that gave me such support both emotionally and mentally, I will forever be grateful for that...So this time, I felt I just needed a few days to wrap my mind around this new loss and the fact that I would never see or hear from my sweet friend again....I still haven't taken her off of my email contacts or my cell...they some how give me comfort when I see her name....I believe it or not still have my dads name & number on my cell, same with others I have loved and lost...this somehow comforts me...I guess letting different for everyone, but I thank you all for understanding and your support when I have needed it...whether I knew I needed it or not...sometimes just listening....means the world...Thank you so much Dawn, Lisa and my amor Chris...My own mr wonderful...Love you guys :)

My Ita (grandma) used to say that when someone you loved passed...God always sent someone else to help fill that void, so that the hurt wouldn't be so heartbreaking...when we lost her, weeks later my beautiful niece Natalia was born, when we lost my dad, a few months later my baby grand nephew was born, he would have been my dads first great-grandchild.....When I found out about my dear friend Joanne, my heart was hurting and I could feel the saddness seeping in and I started to panic....I knew what that meant and I didn't want that old now familiar feeling of loss and saddness that can overtake my life to come back...not now...not so soon after just picking myself up from my dads loss, I was truly afraid of how long and how strong "This" would last this time...I prayed and I talked to my constant source of love and Ita for help and guidance, like I did when she was here and at my old age I would still sit on the floor with my head on her lap and tell her my problems and fears...she always listened with not only her mind but her heart...I believe in my heart...that even now in heaven, she still does this for me....I asked her to help me, so that this fall wouldn't be so long and hard because I was afraid of how my family would be affected....I told her to please help me because I was feeling so sad and my heart was feeling friend Deb, talked me into joining Face Book which I swore I never would, this blog takes about all my computer knowledge that I have and that isn't much lol and I typed in a friends name that had meant soo much to me when I was a young girl in high school, I had tried through the years to find her, on, our high school Alumni website, you name it, I tried one that I knew, knew what had happened to her and you know what?? I went on Face book typed in her name and Voila.....There she was! She looked just the same, still beautiful, like a little porcelain doll and still had that beautiful smile that said, I am your I am...we reconnected, have talked everyday since I found her on the phone and I can honestly tell you the first time after we talked on the phone, when I hung up I cried...because I had missed her so much through the years and when we was like it had been just days before the last time we talked....not over 20 years....Today she sent me a text to my phone and said...she had prayed and asked her mama who is now in heaven to please bring someone into her life, that loved her and would be her friend and truly care for her, then I sent her a message when I found eyes started to water...because I had forgotten in my excitement in finding her...that just a few days before...I had asked the same thing from my Ita...

Sometimes....letting people in, even when you think you are just fine...makes all the difference in the world doesn't it...I used to say that I didn't want to let new people into my life because losing them was too painful and not worth it...My Ita said..."How sad you think...I think it is even sadder not letting people into your heart and sharing love with them, because think of all the wonderful times, laughter and memories you will have missed out on, if you don't let those people into your life and heart...isn't that worse....losing them and always wondering what could have been....maybe you could have made a difference in their life...don't be people and let them love you"....Did I ever tell you at 93 my Ita was the wisest person I had the privilege to have loved :)

I thank you all for your patience, concern, and most of all for your beautiful friendships and I promise I will be back earlier tomorrow with a new post, some lovely giveaways and news to share..

And Ana....Welcome back into my life & your friendship were truly missed!

Until next time dear friends,